You're twenty now. I know it hasn't been easy for you. Your heart has been broken, and you're not sure if you were too much, or too little. One day, you'll realize that you can be enough -- maybe not all the time, you'll still feel lonely, at times incomplete, but you will find things to fill in those empty spaces.
Trust me, I know that space feels like a void, but it never was, it never really is.
I know, now, as you are speeding into early adulthood, you just want to cover it, shroud it, hide it, beat it down, but you will learn to breathe into it. You will learn to appreciate its depth, and realize it strengthens, not weakens, you.
One day, you will appreciate the beauty of the trees in a way you can not even imagine right now. You will gaze up through their vivid green branches, your eyes drinking in the sun flickering between flowing palm leaves.
You will walk on and turn your sights to the sky, where a single, lazily-floating cloud will capture your attention, and you will marvel at its pure, soft whiteness.
You will continue wandering and notice first just one golden butterfly, tracking its flight from flower to flower, branch to branch. Then you'll notice more, dozens of them fluttering their tiny wings, so intricately.
The sound, stillness and movement of the earth you live on will captivate your full, fragile heart, and give it what you, right now, at twenty, are so desperately seeking.
You'll continue to seek it, in people, in places, in things that will trick you into thinking they are opening your mind, but really are dulling it.
Sometimes the search will feel amazing, sometimes it will hurt, and you will feel broken, but believe me, the journey is leading you somewhere.
Listen to what it is telling you. Embrace the intensity. Traverse the ups and downs, they will ebb and flow, and believe me, they are fleeting.
All of it will bring you here, to where I am, enveloped by a brightness that I promise you will overshadow our darkness, once we learn how to allow it.
*Written at a SWW writing retreat in response to a walking meditation of sorts.