What I feel is
droplets dripping gently onto that spot between my shoulders descending from a tangled mess of wet hair pulled back from my face soft sand grainy under my feet welcoming my toes to sink into its depth cool liquid swirling around me ebbing and flowing against my frame it's not the shattering beneath my rib cage from an old wound reminding me of fracture it's not the empty space aching dully filled only with lost things it's not the mad whirl of thoughts washing me up on abandoned shoreline No, what I see is shimmery sunshine glinting off turquoise creating thousands of shining little lights stretching wide in front of me sand-colored crabs barely bigger than a fingernail anticipating my every footstep scampering back to underground caves before any accidental contact a lone leaf tumbling down the beach happily succumbed to the whims of the wind on its journey it's not the image of myself replaced bit by bit piece by piece in that space in your bedroom in your kitchen in your living room it's not the way the world moves on whether I stand still paralyzed or rush to catch up it's not the picture of a girl timid, unsure looking in the mirror a slight frown turning down her lips disheartened with the reflection No, what I hear is a wonderful quiet interrupted only by leaves lightly rustling touched by the breeze distant engines echoing taking someone to or from somewhere the foamy crash of waves meeting shore a soothing lullaby with varied endless tempo it's not the voices whispering that it's too late that I don't have what it takes what others have in spades it's not the sound of my own voice cracking asking you not to leave while you looked at me with sad eyes from across the bed or my soft voice telling him it was okay to go while I held his hand and he laid there eyes closed on a hospital bed No, it is none of these things It is heat pure on my skin It is beads of sweat trickling down hollows and curves It is stillness It is calm until the heady warmth disappears, moody clouds roll in, the wind picks up, the sea turns frantic, everything is darker, cooler, tense, electric, Filling my lungs with air, I ignore the signs shut my eyes stay where I am
1 Comment
|
|