I hear stirring. My humans have risen from slumber. They haven't moved yet, but I can sense a change in their breathing. "Morning humans. Shall we go down for some kibble? I noticed you didn't refill it last night. I'm not upset, or I would have woken you" I found us all a treat last night. I tried not to eat it all. I saved each of them a wing. However, they don't preserve well. The ants have started munching. "Come along now humans. Let's go." Maybe if I step on their faces it will alert them to feeding time. "DUCKBUTT!" the female one yells! YAY! She's awake!
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Day 4's prompt of the Daily Writing Monthly Challenge was Changes State/Transformation. I struggled with it when I thought about liquids changing to solids. Then I began to think of it a little more literally. I listed all of the states I moved to as a kid, and countries now as an adult.. Then I thought about the transformations I made as I transitioned to each place... A year ago, I wrote a love letter to writing . It was before we started writer's club, before we started this blog (see the previous post). It was this letter that I dedicated time, energy and commitment to writing. This year at the Writer's Retreat 'Love in Letters,' we were given the prompt: Write to your passion. It was cool to write this letter a year letter and to reflect on how I've grown as a writer! Enjoy!
A year ago on February 14th, 2015, I wrote a letter to my long lost love.
There was a point in my life where I would interact with you everyday. There was a point in my life where I would never think about the future without you in it. I woke up to you and went to sleep after sharing with you the deepest, darkest, and tenderest parts of me. There was a time when you and me went together like peanut butter and jelly. It was natural. It wasn't forced. I was comforted by your strokes and no matter what mode of communication we used, you got me. You read between the lines. You let me express myself in ways I had not yet learned to do in the open. You showed me parts of myself I was afraid to see. Over the years, we grew apart. I thought it was because I could not trust you. There was a disconnect. I felt unsure, insecure and our connection was severed. In reality it was not you who I could not trust. I realize now years later that I no longer trusted myself with you. I could not find the words. I was lost. Without you to guide me through the murky waters, I went off course. Over the last few years, I’ve found myself waking up in a cold sweat reaching out for you. I reach for you, you answer, you are there, but there is silence. The words do not come as easily as they once did. The barrier is stronger than ever. Like a long distance call there is static on the line. Can you hear me? Do you still understand me? Can I still use you to escape? But escaping is no longer part of the plan. No longer what I need nor what I desire. But I still desire you. There is something about us that I want to recreate, but I want- no, I need more than what we had. I want to escalate to new heights with you. Explore new universes with you. Create mini worlds with you. I want to reconnect with old friends with you and create lovers and solve world problems. With you, I want to be a brave superhero by day and a blossoming flower by night. With you, I want to free the slaves and erase the pain. With you, I want to heal the sick and mend the wounded. With you, I want to free minds and open up hearts. With you, I want to find a balance between structure and fluidity. I want our imaginations to become a reality. I know now what my 21 year old self did not. I cannot own or control you. I can only be... With you. With me. With us. Let's cut the formalities (you already know that's not my style). Dear Writing, my love, my old companion, my muse, this is my public declaration to you. No longer will I stand in our way. No longer will I let fear lead me astray. To hell with the grammar Nazis and online trolls. Will you be mine? Will you dance with me under the stars. Will you float with me on clouds above the rain? Will you forgive me for deserting you? Will you take me back as yours? Will you once again be my partner in crime? Will you be mine? Can I be yours? Forever and always. Always and forever. That’s the way love goes. No longer do I want to bemiles away when we are so close. I want to erase the space and dream up magical realities in a majestic place. With you. With me. With us. Let’s not go back, let’s not move forward. Let’s embrace the unknown, forge a new trail, and let’s just be what it is we were meant to be. Forever yours, Esther 10 word:
Box Associate Decoy Foreshadow Windowpane fearsome Lesson Nine Ka I grabbed 'State of the Union Address' out of the bag- happy reading! Prompt: a Shadow
dark... it tiptoes towards the door creeps in through the cracks it meets no resistance its presence limitless but constrained, attached. until its producer meets the end. its existence, transitional evaporated from refraction it goes from visual to tangible before it is no more on this plane. its transformation, brief don't blink- YOU might miss it listen carefully, the particles dissipate they are tears, not of pain or sorrow, but of gratitude grateful for being.... oh, for the stories this shadow will tell when it reaches the place amongst the stardust the place where all shadows go when they no longer have a castor. to a place in the milky way, floating and dancing, unattached now they are the light in a dark galaxy. With the new year, writers were in full force at writer's club on Wednesday.
We started off with a familiar exercise Grab Bag. Write 10 words and pull a genre out of a bag. My 10 words: horizon mayhem flush coin demand forehead license lend deny My grab: Write a How to Guide My how the time has flown, yet it's slowing down into tiny fractions of time zones.
I patiently observe each passing moment and no longer anxiously anticipate the next. Through the reflections within the depths of the water, I've rediscovered my breath. I remember what I've always known, but seem to keep forgetting. The lights are slowly turning back on, like the lyrics to a favorite but forgotten song. I cherish these revelations... I get upset when I meet my past selves. Instead of offering guidance, wisdom, love without judgement. I throw my hands up in frustration. I blame the victim drama and become the oppressor their learned and sometimes prescribed behavior. 'Think for yourself,' I scream at them. 'Let go,' I berate them. 'Stop complaining,' I condemn them. 'Be brave,' I judge them. Instead of watering, nurturing and bringing back to life, I cut away, discard, hide them in shame. Lack of compassion. Fear of relapsing... I distance myself completely because I begin to doubt my own power, my own grace, the reason for my creation. That feeling you get when you finally let change embrace you
it breaks you turns the world as you know it upside down it shrinks and expands the hands of time when you finally let go of control and face the unknown with flexibility lightness baggage left at baggage claim you're weightless and breathless but you're not gasping for air because this high you're feeling wasn't cooked up in some pharmacy nor did you buy it off the corner sketchily the essence of this flow you got going comes with no batteries included this charge is natural it's power is satis factual… don't auto correct me i'm creating as I'm playing the game demanding that you do the same The rhymes may be weak but my spirit is deep and you'll feel the effects for weeks I let loose my punch with looseness but an intense flick of the wrist I got you floating like wingardium leviosa but i'll let you down slowly cause I don't want to over dose ya... I am you You are me What is this separation? This anxiety? Our differences should be our unity Together we stand, divided we fall Then the beat drops and We rise with the strength of a waterfall You cannot break us... you see We are all connected This is reality. |
Ubuntu: I am who I am because of who we are. AuthorEsther was born in Utah, raised in Durham (Bull City), North Carolina. Over the last 6 years she has lived in 6 cities, 3 states, and 4 countries. She doesn't like traveling or anything... Archives
June 2017
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