This was our second time doing this group exercise. Begin with one person writing a descriptive passage. The second person rewrites the passage in plain language. The third (without seeing the initial passage) rewrites it descriptively. The pattern continues until everyone has written. Compare the passages and see how they evolve!
(1 - Descriptive)
Like a rocket, Janie came bursting through the plush, green bushes that framed her father's otherwise barren backyard. Tongue hanging out the side of her sweet candy lips, brows clenched in concentration, Janie's doe eyes locked onto her tiny flying target; shaded in hues of gold and blue, the most magnificent monarch butterfly - thick and tangible - danced in the disappearing light. Dusk, damp and impending, wrapped around the summer sky.
(2 - Nondescript)
Janie stood in her father's garden looking at a butterfly.
(3 - Descriptive)
The breeze was cool, but warmer than she'd felt in months. Spring had come late this year, but now the signs were everywhere. The birds, whose singing had woken her up each morning, no longer sounded forlorn. Instead, their chirps brought a notion of hope to her window. This morning, she's followed them outside, walking down the stairs in her slippers and into her father's garden. The patches of snow had almost melted away, and planting would begin in earnest soon. Maybe he would ask her to join this year. She noticed a butterfly flittering from plot to plot and made a wish.
(4 - Nondescript)
There was a cold wind, but it was warmer than the months of winter had been. The birds woke her and she went outside to the garden. The snow was almost gone and it would soon be time to plant again. She hoped her father would ask her to help. She saw a butterfly and made a wish.
(5 - Descriptive)
Light and breezy, the air was cool to the touch. But in comparison to the harsh cold of November and December, it almost brought color back into her pale cheeks. She felt herself flush as the melodious tunes of her winged friends outside her window brought her out of a dreamless slumber. Meandering through the house her pace quickened as she got closer to the garden. The season for planting was quickly approaching, and her anticipation to participate this year was increasing as each day of winter faded away. She desperately wanted to help this year, to show that she was capable and blessed with a green thumb. As the butterfly - blue, iridescent, purple - fluttered onto her shoulder. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and wished for her father to ask for help. This year. This would be her year!
Thanks to Warriors Christine, Mikey, Cati, Jill and Esther for their writing in this piece!