Insomnia.
Those moments in the hours between early riser and night owl. The stigma wouldn't be so damning if it it produced creativity. You know how they say 'all the great minds are insane and suffer from this or that.' Perhaps, I made that up, but still, they produce in their madness. They create universes with their lyrics, weave worlds with their words, spark imagination with their brush strokes. For me, in those moments of frozen panic, I am left alone with my captor, anxiety, relentless in its hold. I'm not sure when I became aware that my anxieties were cultivated by fear. Fears as real as wondering where my next meal would come from, to imagined- everyone at my job knows that I know nothing and I'll be called in to have my credentials revoked. Fear, this seed, sometimes barely visible, yet we've been conditioned to bear it's highly visible fruit. Unseen vines slither their way into insecure minds, ripening, feeding off the suffering they are providing. Fear, I've recently begun stepping inside of it, dancing the shackles away. Embracing the fierce power residing inside of me, keeping the anxieties at bay. Freedom, I realized is on the other side of fear. P.S. This truth has been the best medicine to induce restful sleep.
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Ubuntu: I am who I am because of who we are. AuthorEsther was born in Utah, raised in Durham (Bull City), North Carolina. Over the last 6 years she has lived in 6 cities, 3 states, and 4 countries. She doesn't like traveling or anything... Archives
June 2017
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