For an unprecedented series of moments, standing in the warm shower stream, I felt a sensation that is fairly foreign to me: I felt in control. This did not equate to knowing, to being right, to doing all of the things I deem in my head as being good to do. But it meant that, regardless of what was happening around me, everything that exists does so as a result of a choice I have made, a decision I have come to. Whether I wake up and drink water before an intense workout, or linger in bed reading a book that even upon reaching the last page I am unsure if I like or not - I am in control. Of my actions, most obviously, but also of my emotional reaction to the results of these actions, to the changes in my context that ripple outward, indefinitely. With such power, comes fearlessness. What reason is there to be afraid, when I am the one directing the traffic of my life? I am building, destroying, rebuilding. I alone am doing this. It is glorious and intoxicating, especially in these early hours of the morning, when like my body, my potential is shaking off the darkness of night, is coming alive again. Simply because I have allowed it to.
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AuthorChicago-born citizen of the globe, rich in the things that really matter. Let's get weird. Categories
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January 2019
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